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My 23 year old, very straight, very “normal” little sister is the only person who knows that I’m a zoophile. I told her because I wanted someone in the family to know and I always thought that she was my best friend in the world. When I told her, I stressed to her that nothing could hurt me more than using that information against me and she swore up and down that she would never tell anyone. She kept my secret for about three years. Well last Thanksgiving, both of us were at my parents’ house and mom and sister got into a very heated verbal fight and my sister said some very nasty, probably unforgivable things about mom and the rest of us as a family. So I stepped in and gave her a light slap on the face and said to her, “How could you treat your own family like that?” Then she really got mad and turned on me and threatened to tell mom my secret. She told her that I’m a psycho just like the ones she saw in the mental ward (she’s a nurse). She also said that what she knows about me has caused her a lot of emotional pain although she acted like it didn’t bother her when I told her. Her threat forced me to back off of my defense and she didn’t divulge my secret. She took off with some friends and that was the end of the fight.So now the cat was halfway out of the bag and I had to say something to mom and in front of her and my dad, I only said that the American Psychiatric Association no longer considers my condition to be a problem and that I didn’t want to say what it was because I felt they would be too ashamed. I still have not told them.Let me say that I have a very “normal” family and the fighting between my mother and sister has been the only problem we’ve faced. My sister is just extremely spoiled. Mom worked a job just to put her through college and that’s the payback my sister gave my mom. My brother and I paid our own way to get where we’re at and we are very successful. My mom just never gave her any consequences for acting like that. Mom is almost insanely forgiving of her. And to add insult to injury, my mom told my sister that I was wrong to slap her. It only means to me that mom has a favorite child. As you might imagine, I don’t really like my sister anymore. I spoke to her a little while the family was together for Christmas only because I had to. Then I did not want to go to her college graduation but my mom forced me so I had to talk to her a little there. But I haven’t talked to her about the night when it all went wrong. I don’t call her anymore and she’s not invited to my house anymore. It doesn’t hurt me to not talk to her anymore because I really don’t like her. What hurts is the way my mom has handled it. So what would you do in this situation?
In my simplistic way of thinking you are an adult, therefore what you do in the privacy of your own home (and life) has bugger all to do with your parents.Don't feel obliged to tell them anything, don't feel guilty that you aren't telling them. After all would you tell them about your technique for oral sex? No? Why? Because it's private and none of their business.As for you sister, well I can suggest is telling you parents that you have no idea what she's on about. She's probably making it up just to get her own back on you for slapping her. Her own behaviour to your parents should make that more believable.You could always get the first 'hit' in and turn the tables. Tell your parents that your sister confided in you that SHE was a zoophile, and that her guilt and her fear that you would tell the secret is why she's trying to hurt you.Yes, I know it's a bit evil, but I think that's the one I'd have to go for but that's me for ya!!
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What would I do?Deny everything. Practice your best innocent eyes, and shocked/confused face. If she is how you describe her she will tell tell your parents. Its not a matter of "IF" its a matter of "WHEN". Then when your parents to confront you on Zoo, ask what that is. If they ask what your real secret was....the only thing that I know that was taken out of the DSM 4 (Its been awhile but I doubt its in the 5 edition) was homosexuality. If they press you say your bisexual. Its a lie for you, BUT if you want to keep the Zoo on the down low this is your option. Walkthrough on how to deny the Zoo allegations: Instert confused face and a "I don't even know what the hell that is!" , then make effort to look it up in a dictionary or ask them what it means, add a good dose of shocked and even perhaps horrified face, then DENY EVERYTHING) There is a chance that your secret is so shocking that they will never confront you on it. It will just be the white elephant in the living room so to speak. Stop getting into fights and behave like an adult. Take the higher road (literaly) and leave when family fights break out. I have had to do this several times for my family. At 18 or older you cannot be forced to do anything. (attending her graduation) I would have been working that day, magically I would be working double shifts. So to recap: I would deny all zoo alligations, I would not verbally/physically get into any altrications with my family or anyonelse for that matter, and I would be looking to move out on my own. (college loans and moving into the dorms would be looking REALLY good) A piece of advice: You do NOT have to like your family, and you do NOT have to even love them. It is by chance that you are forced to associate with them. (birth) When I turned 18 I chose who I wanted to be in my life, and for the rest I just fell off the planet.Finally: Good Luck and I'll be thinking healing/helpful thoughts your way. edit - QUOTE Don't feel obliged to tell them anything, don't feel guilty that you aren't telling them.After all would you tell them about your technique for oral sex? No? Why? Because it's private and none of their business.Very wise Web. Very good advice.
Definately some good advice so far... I would like to add though, that you told your sister 3 years ago... another option would to be admit that you were interested, but later realized it was a phase.However, depending on how much you already said to your parents this might not be an option. If you actually said it just like this, QUOTE "I only said that the American Psychiatric Association no longer considers my condition to be a problem".then many of the options mentioned so far might not work so well assuming they remember you said that. I agree with webhamster though, you dont have to tell them anything, if your sister tells them you could try what I said above, or simply come clean. If you decide to come clean, it may be best to tell the parent you think will take it the best.
i know first hand what you are talking about my sister was the first one i told we now dont speak but she has held the secret.funny thing is most of my friends know and all of my co workers know i dont hide it im proud of it if you decide to tell them dont tell them like that im zoo and i like animals what i found works best is if you tell themthat its not just a sex thing at least not fore me i truely love my girl dog sex is only a small part of it most people see it as just getting your jollies off but if you explain to them its true love they take it alot better i told my mom just to bad i waited and it was at her grave site i have not told my dad only cause he would over react but i feel its my life and what i do in my bed room is up to me good luck and dont be ashamed be proud
I know it may be the hardest thing to do but just call her and opologise for the little slap. Life is way to short to be falling out with sisters brothers and family. I know it will be difficult and may take time but just think things through. Good luck in whatever action you take.Dog Man
I believe dogman said it best, but if your relationship with you sister is unsalvagable then I would just forget the whole thing ever happened (the incident at dinner I mean). If you leave it alone, I believe that your sister wouldn't have any motive to expose you to your parents/family. If you decide to call her and mend bridges (you say you haven't spoken to her in quite some time, right?) then it may seem very suspicious and depending on the accuracy of her memory she may feel as though you're just trying to tie up any loose ends on your secret... Life is crazy sometimes Hope everything works out for you, and for the record, your secret is safe with us.
I live a solitary life and know only less than a hand full of people. My three friends 2 know I like animals and the other knows I think but is a father figure to me and has excepted that role and does not go there as with age he has become less tolorent of diferent life stiles. I am not by any means out. Happley maried my wife puts up with me. I have been exposed when I was in my 20's twice and it was a life turning both times. I have never considered telling any relitives. My father probably suspected but always raised me to be tolorent of other people and he was with me.I know why you did tell but you may pay the price. I would leave it alone if you bump into your sis keep it light above all dont let her know you are woried. Never trust anyone again If you have a issue right hereYour worse case is to move I didR
I definitely agree that I do not have to divulge my secret to my parents. Unfortunately, they already know that I do have a secret since I confirmed it after my sister threatened to tell. I told mom that I would rather that she hears about my secret from me rather than from my sister who would not explain it nicely at all. I will only tell them if they insist and I would probably only tell my mother. I am 26 now and my parents are wondering why I’m not dating. They want me to get married of course but that will probably never happen. I’d love to get married but I’m not sexually attracted to women. I’m not sure if I’ll ever find a woman who wouldn’t mind only having the friendship and not the sexual aspect of marriage. Yes, I am never going to bring up zoophilia with my sister and I’ll never be open about any aspect of it with her again. I’ll probably just continue doing what I’m doing- talking to her minimally only at family gatherings. I don't feel that it is an option to cut off all contact with my family. And I can't apologize for the slap. There is no doubt in my mind that she deserved it. And it's a funny thing that my aunt and my cousins agree. Though, looking back, I probably could've used some nonviolent forms of punishment against her. I never thought that the knowledge of someone being a zoophile could hurt a person. I don’t know if it actually has but I never want to tell anyone about it again. I truly cannot trust anyone with that information. Has anyone else experienced hurting someone by telling them you are a zoophile?
hmm keeping in mind all that the others have said (good advice)personally i would keep my mouth shut, and let them guess,untill/unless one of your parents asks you directly about it.then tell them, but keep it limited to the basic,s they dont need a blow by blow of who what and how just that your love is much more than othersetcas for the sis. judt dont communatue with her at all(((HB58
If you do feel the need to confirm the "secret", you could always concentrate on the emotional connection of zoophilia and leave out the sexual connection by just not referrring to it at all.Reading between the lines it sounds like you feel you owe them the truth. You don't. You have confirmed that you have a secret. So what. Let it remain that way. They have no right to know it.It's going to be the knowledge that is going to possibly damage the relationship you have with your parents, not who tells them.Have you considered the possibility that if your sister tells them they will recognise the spite that is causing her to tell them? It's quite possible should she do that it may even harm her relationship with them.We can't know how your parents will react, only you know them well enough for that, but in all honesty if they aren't shagging dogs themselves you aren't going to get 100% acceptance.Keep your secret. It's yours, not theirs. You passing it on to one person has complicated your life already, what is passing it on to 2 more going to do?
QUOTE (WebHamster @ Jun 18 2006, 07:51 PM)It's going to be the knowledge that is going to possibly damage the relationship you have with your parents, not who tells them.You passing it on to one person has complicated your life already, what is passing it on to 2 more going to do?Excellent points here. And no I didn't think that the act of my sister telling could backfire on her but that is a possibility.I will probably only tell if they ask directly. And I will say that I think that it could be a curse and that I wish I could be "normal."Yes, I would never get into the dirty details.I know they will not accept it. I know they wouldn't admit it but it would cause them some anguish because they would see themselves as failures as parents. But I think I could make them understand that it wasn't a matter of choice. It was something that just happened to me and was beyond my control. That is the truth.
I've never caused anyone any pain or suffering to anyone that I've told about my interest in zoophilia (to my knowledge at least ). My girlfriend has known for a very long time (since we started dating several years ago) and a couple of my close friends know and they're cool with it. Maybe it's different for me because I'm not actively engaging in any zoo activities (I've been living on my own for a while now in a place that animals aren't allowed... )Do keep us informed if anything comes up. From my experience, it's always best to confide anonymously (like on the internet for example) that way you don't give enough details to put yourself in danger, and it wouldn't build a gap between you and someone close to you (i.e. a relative).Take care Shadow.
Here's what I think.Rather than confirming, you might want to think about how you might have responded to shield off her attacks. "What the hell are you talking about? Zoo-oh what?!"Secondly, after you DID confirm a secret, you don't have to tell them you are a beastiality freak. You don't even have to tell them anything about sex. "Mom, dad.. I know you've been wanting me to get married for some time now, but I just have to say, I'm really not interested in girls. Nor am I interested in guys. I thought about it for a while, and to be completely honest with you guys, I get along with my dog better than I get along with people. So I'm going to live with my best friend." or -"So, I'm just gonna get a dog until I can find the right person I guess. At least I'll have company."Play it down. Or completely change the topic.. Don't act like it's a big deal. Explain it matter of factly and thats it. You don't care what they think, or what secret your sister thought she had on you. If she comes back and divulges that your into animal sex, and your parents confront you on it, shake your head with a disapointed sigh and say.. "The world isn't all about sex. I'm disapointed she would try to hurt me like that. It wasn't all that bad, I just didn't know how to tell you guys, I know it was silly. But I didn't want to disapoint you guys because I haven't found someone yet." Yes, it was wrong of you to slap her. Hitting isn't the right way to 'wake' someone up who's already in a terrible mood. As you found out, it's the best way to get the next attack directed right at you. You're lucky she didn't call the cops and file an assault charge against you just because she was in such a bad mood.At any rate. You do have options on what this 'secret' could be. Tell your parents that you weren't really sure what your sister saw in the mental ward, and you didn't know how to tell your parents until you'd figured it out, and could discuss the matter with them like adults.Good luck.
Posters in this thread have made most of the points I would have brought up, but may I elaborate a little further on the destructive behaviour your sister within your family?In my opinion, not only are you not responsible for her behaviour, nor are you in fact responsible for holding the peace between everyone within your family. It is because you will readily assume such a role mostly due to your niceness that your sister can act up with complete self-assuredness, and spin an attention-seeking hissy fit into a full-blown family feud.Perhaps it is a good thing that this has occured now, so that you can reassess your realtionship with her sooner rather than endure this sort of thing politely for years to come, hoping it will go away?In my experience (but please do note not with a family member) people who cause this sort of grief are in it for the distance, and the only way to stop them meddling is to ditch them pronto, but of course you know the people involved far better than I, so please do obviously take this as friendly advice from a stranger.Also, by trying to second-guess your parents' reaction to your imminent revelation, perhaps you are clouding your options? If you go into the room with your tail between your legs apologetically, then it might be very difficult to elicit a positive reaction from them whatsoever. They might pick up on your guilt and uncertainty, and then perhaps mis-interpret your "confession" as a desire to be helped to stop indulging, then tailor their reaction accordingly... When I 'fess up to stuff like this, I do it matter-of-fact wise, or even proudly; I find this approach completely strips any would-be condemnors of their most powerful weapons, my supposed guilt and shame. Without these two elements in front of them, questions like "OH How could you?" are much easier to answer: "I'm glad you asked me that... "Good luck babes tell us how it went, 'kay?
a couple of critical things:was your sister always like this? if the answer is yes, i would never have told her.as for her threatening to tell your family, you calmly deny it (your sister would have the burden of proof, not you and just saying that you do this is not proof) and counter that she is merely retaliating for striking her (which by the way, you never should have done). i can understand the whole "heat of the moment" thing, but hitting her was a big mistake and i think you know that. if you didn't then, you certainly do now.good luck. keep us posted.
QUOTE (piquantpassage @ Jun 19 2006, 10:51 AM) was your sister always like this? if the answer is yes, i would never have told her.as for her threatening to tell your family, you calmly deny it (your sister would have the burden of proof, not you and just saying that you do this is not proof) and counter that she is merely retaliating for striking her (which by the way, you never should have done). i can understand the whole "heat of the moment" thing, but hitting her was a big mistake and i think you know that. if you didn't then, you certainly do now. Yes my sister has always been extremely spoiled and has battled with mom for years. And over these years, she has said many outragious and mean spirited things in anger. So you are right, I shouldn't have come out to her. When someone acts like that, it makes you wonder whether they can ever truely be sincere. In contrast, I have never, nor would I ever even think of acting like that toward family. That confirms to me that it's not worth it to try to make amends with her. I'm not saying that I won't ever talk to her, but she's never again going to get any favors from me. You can say it was wrong for me to slap her and I do agree that I shouldn't have done it. It also didn't acomplish anything positive. However, the only thing that makes it wrong in my mind is that it is against the law. It was not meant to hurt her; to me it was a symbolic gesture meaning the opposite of a hug or kiss. Yes, it was a "heat of the moment" thing.I do not agree that slapping her was worse than the way she acted toward me and my mother. Does anyone agree with this statement?
I am sorry to hear of your bad time with familie. Your sister sounds she does not want you to talk to again too. Be yourself and be normal with yoru family and if yoru sister is spoiled child, then it is yrou parents problem they are responsable for her and they can take what they have made.It is not your fault. just live on
QUOTE (gemma_as_herself @ Jun 19 2006, 07:01 AM)In my opinion, not only are you not responsible for her behaviour, nor are you in fact responsible for holding the peace between everyone within your family. It is because you will readily assume such a role mostly due to your niceness that your sister can act up with complete self-assuredness, and spin an attention-seeking hissy fit into a full-blown family feud.You hit the nail on the head here. If there is one thing I've learned, it's how true it is that you cannot change someone once they've turned 18. You just don't have to do anything for them anymore. QUOTE Also, by trying to second-guess your parents' reaction to your imminent revelation, perhaps you are clouding your options? If you go into the room with your tail between your legs apologetically, then it might be very difficult to elicit a positive reaction from them whatsoever. They might pick up on your guilt and uncertainty, and then perhaps mis-interpret your "confession" as a desire to be helped to stop indulging, then tailor their reaction accordingly... I do not believe that I can be "cured" of zoophilia and I would make them understand that. That would be an interesting question for discussion - whether anyone has tried to be cured. Although, it's probably already been asked on this board. I sure appreaciate everyones replies and advice. It goes to show that there are truely caring people on this forum.But all this thought about that night has really gotten me depressed. I guess it's better to forget about it and just not do anything for my sister and avoid telling my parents anything more than I have.
Perhaps a brief holiday might help lift your spirits? Get as far away as your budget will allow for a week or even two. This will also help if you are dropping the matter completely: up, go, enjoy yourself, and don't look back.I think after all of that intensity, you really deserve it.
the question of a "cure" for being a zoo presupposes the idea that being a zoo is a sickness or condition that might be remedied. Regardless of whether or not the APA says so, I'm amazed that it is even suggested by anyone in this forum. If the question of "curability" is arising, is it any wonder that a dipstick such as your sister might be able to inflict fear or guilt on you because of the way others might react to her outing you? F* her and feed her peanuts--and take better care of yourself, love yourself more, and leave the drama for your mama. Sis would never be able to get anywhere in stirring up a problem if you were not yourself afraid of her own bigotry and willing to buy into it somewhat; keep working on this; it will come, as will the wisdom of keeping closed-mouthed about your love life. Who is you most dangerous enemy? Your former best friend, and since you thought your sis was your best friend, take this to heart as a life lesson.As for slapping her--no, you shouldn't have done it. Send the to me; I'll take care of it for you.
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Context alphasubK9, context... nobody was suggesting anything of the sort...
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Never ever trust anyone least of all your siblings.
Morning..I have a thought fallowing this thred.I have lived as a personal loner for my first 20 years. My mother was a controaling self sentered female who would have been running my life if I had one. I went to work sleepped and road my horse. When they found I owned a horse I was thrown out of the house. I intended to stay alown but met a girl riding who liked my horse, me and became my wife when I found she did not want kids. My mother went beserk. My father spent as much time as he could with us. People live with secrets ... some, it means there lives or there work.. there familys know only the bare excusees for there travle that there work is not interesting they hate answering the phone. In my life I have met a few no more than 5 of these people and only 3 know my porn interest. One I took aside and told after knowing him for 10 years because his family became very close to us and he knew I had a porn interest he had a girl so I came out to him. The other 2 except the porn thing and go no farther but we except they have lives we will never know about as well. Mother demanded children from us I told her no mater how much she offered money we just could not get it right. We sold a lot of foals though. We have bread horses for years and the breeding goes on weather company is visiting or not. I wash my studs befor I breed them and this has led to suspition from non horsemen. People are NOT tolerant of others. If you get found out you will not have a friend to stand on. Co workers know I breed horses and they always pry to see if I do anything with them.. They are not being nice they want somewon to tease and pick on. I joke with them about the breeding habits of the boys to get there minds of me.
QUOTE (rus80 @ Jun 24 2006, 09:21 AM) When they found I owned a horse I was thrown out of the house. Wow, why the heck would they throw you out of the house for owning a horse?!?! That's horrible!Does your wife know you're into zoophilia? God, I wish I could find someone like that to marry. How do you get so lucky to meet someone like that by chance?
QUOTE (alphasubK9 @ Jun 20 2006, 06:37 PM) the question of a "cure" for being a zoo presupposes the idea that being a zoo is a sickness or condition that might be remedied. Regardless of whether or not the APA says so, I'm amazed that it is even suggested by anyone in this forum. If the question of "curability" is arising, is it any wonder that a dipstick such as your sister might be able to inflict fear or guilt on you because of the way others might react to her outing you? Yeah, I say "cure" because that is how my parents would see it. But it would be a nice counter arguement against theirs to say that people have tried to be "cured" but they can't be because there is nothing to cure. I know of at least one BF member who got sent to a shrink because his parents discovered that he's a zoo. But the parents discovered that they had to accept him the way he was because the shrink told them that there wasn't anything for him to cure.
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QUOTE (alphasubK9 @ Jun 21 2006, 03:37 AM) the question of a "cure" for being a zoo presupposes the idea that being a zoo is a sickness or condition that might be remedied. Regardless of whether or not the APA says so, I'm amazed that it is even suggested by anyone in this forum. If the question of "curability" is arising, is it any wonder that a dipstick such as your sister might be able to inflict fear or guilt on you because of the way others might react to her outing you? F* her and feed her peanuts--and take better care of yourself, love yourself more, and leave the drama for your mama. Sis would never be able to get anywhere in stirring up a problem if you were not yourself afraid of her own bigotry and willing to buy into it somewhat; keep working on this; it will come, as will the wisdom of keeping closed-mouthed about your love life. Who is you most dangerous enemy? Your former best friend, and since you thought your sis was your best friend, take this to heart as a life lesson.As for slapping her--no, you shouldn't have done it. Send the to me; I'll take care of it for you. Well said!
Yes she does know. I generally only help the boys if they get "stressed" I keep my help private. I dont push my good fortune as I would be truly lost with out her.For the most part there is no crular animal than a human. They all tend to start a pecking order and if you do not engage in the foolishness they use you to push there possision for them selves in there pack.I work with people every day and I leave them at work. People tought me how to keep them in place [I can be well we wont go there as South would not approve] and to avoid them and I am glad for it. That said I find this board very pleasent and it was South FL who by his wrightings I read as a guest got me to sign on.. The friends I keep if not close the other 3 anyway are gay all judge nowone and do not down any one. This board has extended the friend list some for me. Even I suprise my self sometimesR
it's your life, and it seems to me if you're doing something you're ashamed of, you shouldn't do it
This is why I have said from day one, that you NEVER tell anyone anything... all it takes is one ex- b/f or g/f or friend (or a sister) to ruin your life...About the best that you can do now, is to laugh it off and deny everything... or go the disgusted route... Good luck!!!
You should never tell anyone unless you know they are zoo first and you should have stayed out of the fight. you should say you are sorry and hope for the best.
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I'm really sorry that had to happen to you. It's too bad you came to think she could be trusted. Apparently her true brat, selfish nature emerged. For your unique situation, I would only trust my secret to other zoos for now on. I feel no need to ever share my sexual life with my family, typical or atypical. My significant other, if I get married, is another story, but I will consider everything about myself and them if I go that route and I would prefer a very open and honest communication from the get go. However, I feel no need to share my sexual past or otherwise with a partner unless we're getting married. So far I have done nothing with an animal, but if I come to that bridge and cross it, my current mindset stands. You never know how those less permanent relationships would end.Most people don't even want to hear about exes and past sexual conquests anyway, and I guess pretty much that can apply to whoever or whatever you had a sexual or non-sexual relationship with.
Ohdear. That could be a bit of a problem. I'd do what Fizzgig said if I were you, if you're a good actor; if not, WebHamster's advice could help.
Im sure you're sister has come to her senses by now. In the heat of an argument most people tend to say things that they don't mean and do things that they wouldn't usually do. After she calmed down she may have re-thought the whole situation. Most likely she won't tell your parents, but she may try to use what she knows to frighten you if she really is a twisted person, in which case she may want to consider her own psychological health. I wish you luck!
Yes thats one thing you need to keep to yourself or only tell someone you really trust. Your sister is like everyone else and we all just say anything during an argument. I would do what dixiedoll said to do by just playing it off and acting normal.
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