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Backstory: my boy and I live together 24/7, he is my roommate and my 'one'. He is my service dog as well, so we heavily rely on each other. I am in a situation 'on campus' at college where I am the only student permitted to have a dog in the residence halls. We get a lot of (IMO) unnecessary attention because of this, so I try to keep our appearances on campus as limited as possible.I have come to terms with my zoosexualty, my problems are not with that. My issue is dealing with having to downplay my relationship with my boy because of general social climate. My friends are fantastic people and I trust them with many of my personal 'secrets'; but I don't want to push any buttons or throw my lifestyle on them because I feel like that would become their definition of me instead of just another component. Anyway, as a result of the social norms and whatnot I find myself in situations where I immediately regret my attitudes towards him in social situations.For example, if someone asks me 'does he like to play fetch?' instead of answering truthfully (because of COURSE I know something as basic to him as that) I say something like 'uh, I dunno. He's just... I dunno.' I generally play it off so detached like that. And I do that all the time when I talk with people about him, I distance myself from him in a defensive way. I'm sure most of the folks who have met us think that I take him for granted and he's 'just a dog' to me, or even worse 'just a service animal'. Very few people understand how deeply connected we are, such that we can tell each others moods down to the specifics at any point in time.So I'm having trouble expressing a socially-acceptable level of involvement with my dog without over- or under-shooting the mark. I feel guilty not giving him the value he deserves in my conversations with people but am scared of giving away too much if I show any more of my cards than a casual shoulder shrug, so to speak. Undervaluing him in the eyes of others is making me feel so guilty, because he works so hard for me every day. Although I know that all that matters to him is my approval, I still sort of... well, for lack of a less-emo term... ache for others to appreciate him as well.Not quite sure if that made much sense and sorry there isn't a concrete question in here, hope someone can offer some advice. Thanks.
It sounds like if you want others to appreciate him as much as you, then you have to outwardly display that appreciation of him without "downplaying" your feelings. Otherwise others will take his presence as much for granted as you appear to do so. Of course you want to keep your intimate relationship with him a secret, but there is no reason to pointedly undervalue him in public. He is your service dog - you two spend twenty four hours a day, seven days a week together; people are bound to assume that you two are close! Quite frankly, when you portray such apathy of his existence the people around you are much more likely, subconsciously, to find that connection more awkward and unnatural than seeming infatuation. You depend on him as much as he depends on you. Everyone in your life knows that. What have you to hide?I don't know the specifics of your relationship with him, and I'm not saying you should publicly broadcast that information in real life or here, but make it known that he means something to you! There are women out there who dress their lapdogs up in human clothing and tote them around in a purses; sharing food, shelter, affection and much more in the limelight. If these sort of people can get away with the aforementioned actions without automatic leaps to bestiality, then why the hell can't you know whether or not your service dog enjoys playing fetch? Why can't it be known that you do love your dog when it is so clearly evident? I can understand your defensive outlook considering the appalling social, as well as possibly legal, repercussions that might ensue if certain details were make public knowledge. I can rationalize your actions to the extent of someone extremely in love and extremely fearful of losing him, especially since attention already seems to be drawn to you two as a pair, anyway. But what I cannot understand, what I cannot rationalize is the possibility that emoting generalizations and displaying such affection will lead to persecution. Zoosexuality aside, you are not the first person to feel such a profound connection to your animal companion. My advice: loosen up and enjoy him as much as you can, in every sense of the phrase No one will see you differently for being so protective and loving - it is your dog, and you have a responsibility to him as much as he has to you. All the more reason for you two to be close, in my humble opinion. Show others how much you appreciate him without open mountings and rampant humping, and I can guarantee that this strain and stress you shoulder will dissipate with time as your comfort level burgeons. Dogs are called man's best friend for a reason, ya know
I know how you feel, Buckup. I was in exactly the same situation many years ago with my guide dog. She was the only dog allowed in the residence hall.There are several factors in play. First, people are going to appreciate your dog directly proportionally to the appreciation you demonstrate for him in public. I give my guide dog very demonstrative praise in public. I pet him, gently hug him and even let him lick my hands and face a little bit when he's done something good. Those are all socially acceptable forms of praise from you and reaction from him. Many people watch from a distance and they automatically know that I appreciate and really like my dog and the things he does for me. Some of them come up to ask questions, most don't.Second, the whole point to having a service dog is to allow you to get out more, do more thigs and lead a more normal life. If you limit your appearances on campus because you are afraid someone will guess your true relationship, you are in some way defeating the purpose. I went wherever I wanted on campus whenever I felt like it. I dealt with people the way they dealt with me. If they were friendly, so was I. If they were snide or mean, they got that back times ten. My dog was my best friend and I let people know that without being sloppy about it. She was my ticket to freedom. When we walked somewhere together, it was almost like what flying must be to a bird. We both loved to travel so much, we just couldn't stay cooped up all the time.The third thing you have to remember is, like it or not, you are an ambassador for you, your dog, the school that trained you both and service dogs in general. Most people don't know much at all about service dogs. When you answer questins and talk with people, you are educating them about service dogs and the people who work them. Your attitude and the way your dog responds to you may be the only time people see a team like yours. They'll just naturally assume that all teams are just like yours.When people take the time to approach me and ask questions I try to be friendly and answer them with good, general information. In a way, I know how celebrities feel. Many times, a meal has gotten cold because I'm busy dealing with an adoring public. It's a good thing for all the other guide dog handlers out there.If I'm vague, stand-offish or sullen, people think all guide dog users are that way. So, even when it might not be the most convenient time, I try to explain things to people who ask questions.What kind of dog is it? I tell them.Is it a boy or girl? I tell them.How old is he? I tell them.Can I pet him. If they ask, and it's not too crowded and we're not walking at the moment, I usually say yes.If someone just walks up and pets my dog, they get a brusque "don't pet the dog!" and we walk away.Does he like to play fetch? Yes, he loves to play fetch but not while we're working.What does he eat? Dry dogfood with warm water at the same time every day.Why do you feed him once a day? If I do that, he will have to go out for relief at about the same times every day. This keeps me from having to leave class for emergency go-outs... and so on and so forth.I'm always petting my dog while answering questions. This shows the people that I really like and appreciate him and, in my case, allows me to keep track of what he's doing and where his nose is. I can also tell if people are trying to sneak a snack to him. If e licks my hand at this time, I know he's comfortable and thinks the people we are talking with are cool. If he doesn't lick, I'm a a bit more watchful.After a while, you get good at this and can do it without much thought.Finally, service dogs are great icebreakers. I can't tell you how many good friends and valuable contacts I've met because they walked up and asked dog questions.So don't be scared to show some affection in public and answer a few questions. It's a good thing, it really is.Apologies to other members for writing a book, but there's no short answer to this.I hope this has helped you, Buckup, in some small way to show affection to your dog and deal with the public.LTD
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Can't really touch the service dog thing, but LTD seems to have a pretty good handle on it.You won't find many people here more cautious/screaming paranoid than I am in RL, but my Dane girl knows when stuff happens and when it shouldn't, and she pushes and leans (leaning is a Dane thing-- it means "Ignore me at your own risk"), and if I bend over to do something she shoves her whole body under me enough to tip me over. Anywhere the nose will fit, the rest of the body will fit too--. Mundanes romp and roll on the ground with their dog, dogs stick their noses in everybody's crotch, male dogs show a bit of pink just by sitting crooked. Don't stare, (well, OK, maybe not a problem), keep your hands where they belong, and be DAMN sure the doors are locked and the blinds are drawn when you're alone.Count yourself lucky. The service dog harness will forgive stuff I could never get by with. One of the few perks, I should think.Now go apologize to your dog.........
Just a few things, you never mentioned what sort of service dog you have, Do you just want to be very friendly with him or go that extra step, and, well you get the drift.
I have had alot of experince with service dogs and thier owners. I have been involved in some advocasy work for them. I have noticed that most people who have service dogs are very afoctionate to them. They talk, hug, kiss (on the head), play, and pet thier dog all the time. Depending on what the dog is intended for some of these actions are intended to adress the particular disability. Truth is it is two people's right to know the disibality. The disabled person and thier doctor. NOONE (only a very very few accaptions for accomidation reasons) else can ask what the disibality is and how the dog exactly helps. Only two questions can be asked, 1) Is that your service dog? 2) Does it help with your disability? I dont' know your disability or your state, but it shouldn't matter. Most people have dogs for more than one disability. Regardless beacuse of the nature of your dog - always being with you - you will be closer to him. Most ppl who have service dogs spend ALOT of tiem with them. WAY more than any other owner does. It is only normal to develop a close relationship with them. Yours is closer than others. It is easy to scrutinise your actions in public as sexaul or overly loving. But I assure you as long as your not stroking his sheath or kissing him with an open mouth noone will think twice. I struggle with this preception when I pet or play with a dog that I am attracted to. If you would like to discuss more about service dogs and training or anything of the like, feel free to email or PM me!
Outstanding thread!LTD, thank you for writing your "book."Buckup, I can't add any advice for you, only to commiserate because sometimes social anxiety makes me do things I can't understand also.
Hmmm... I feel like I have little to add because the previous replies were so good. Nonetheless, I'll chip in my two cents.I have very limited experience with people and their service dogs, but I have certainly seen dogs as pets in many different cultures. A lot of how people react to how you act with your dog will depend on the culture in which you find yourself. I lived in France for a while and people there are absolutely crazy about their dogs. It is not uncommon in Paris for dogs to be so well trained that they sit down outside of shops and wait for their owners to finish shopping without a leash. Of course, that level of connection and obedience isn't just trained; people are very affectionate toward their dogs.In the US, people tend to be a little less close, but still pretty affectionate. Many people will readily hug and kiss their dogs in public. Just think about how many people probably ask if they can pet your dog. In our culture it is just normal to fawn over dogs.On the other end of the spectrum, I lived in Haiti for a while where dogs are essentially seen as pests. In Haiti it would be seen as unusual even to feed your dog as they mostly have to scavenge for food.I guess the moral of the story is, look at how other people react to your dog. You should certainly be at least as close as a stranger or even a friend acts. I agree with what was said earlier that being less close than this actually draws more attention to your relationship.Hope you figure things out,a4
I re-read your original posting and took another angle on your situation. If you want you can use your dog as a conversation starter and freindship maker. I got the feelign that you are a comited zoo and not intreted in a human g/f or b/f - which is OK. But we all love close freinds. Most ppl will expect you to be close to your dog espicaly when you two are together all the time. I would see it as perfectly OK if you were excited to share particualr attributes about him with others. If somone asks if he plays fetch you could say, 'yeah, he loves it!' theres nothing indicative there. Or if ppl ask if hes freindly 'He really loves ppl' - only you will know HOW much he does but, noone else will be the wiser. IF somone asks to pet him you can say 'Right now is not good, hes working or on duty' and you won't come across as an jerk. If your cool with ppl asking to pet and petting him while hes on duty then go for it. I know your not lookign for chicks but, there is a great commercial showing guys renting pups out to catch girls 'Awh how cuite!'. I always want to talk to somone with a service dog beacuse i love dogs. Hope that helps a little more =).
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Thanks so much for all the amazing replies, I have enjoyed reading all of them. I did go and apologize to my boy, he just wagged at me and gave me a lick. I tried today to make a conscious effort to make my way around campus with my head held high and my mind open. We always get so much attention that it makes me uncomfortable, mostly because my disability isn't immediately visible and I hate having to explain why I've been assigned my dog because its a painful reminder and whatnot (I was recently diagnosed, so it's still kind of a fresh wound, so to speak).Anyway, the energy transferred to him. his confidence increased as well. he's not supposed to receive affection (he's a no-pet working dog when he has his vest on), so we went out without his vest. I got lots of folks wanting to come play with him, which is why I found dogbert's response particularly interesting... you're right! I'm not looking for a human partner now. I have all I need with my boy. So the fact that he's a chick-and-dude magnet is an ironic twist. Anyway, again... thanks so much to everybody who replied. It has really helped me a lot. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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