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I hope this is the right section for this since it is concerning zoophilia/bestiality. I am a 20 year old male and live with my 20 year g/f. We have been seeing each other for 6 years now and she has known about my animal life for most the time. The problem with her is she is very intermittent about loving animals in this way. She says she accepts me no matter what but she confuses me on everything past that. She started out being disgusted by the fact, then accepting, then wanting it for herself. Now she tells me it isn't her thing. Now this really starts to bother someone when it comes to something this important. I've sat down and talked with her before and I always get a different answer depending upon how she feels at the time about it. That's the first part. The second part is even harder...this double life. I care for my g/f yes....but sometimes I worry that not as much as I feel towards animals. It scares me because if her and I didn't work out I could see me being just fine with getting another dog or something. I wish there was a way I could express to her how these feelings have been escalating lately, and not in a hormonal(I want sex) fashion but in an emotional(I need a dog partner) fashion. I love her but I can't stop thinking about this side of me, I can't deny it. There is nobody I can talk to about it too since it's so shamed. I feel as if the g/f only agrees with it because she cares about me not really because she understands it. It's almost as if there are two lives...the life that I'm currently living with her and the life that I want to be living. She's even gone to the extent to thinking I'm homosexual and this is all somehow a cover up. I am definitely not gay but can't help to not understand why I prefer male dogs and not male people...if I don't get it then she definitely doesn't.I just need some advice from people who have been there. I love her with all my heart but this is seriously tearing me up inside. Please post up.
Always good to see a new member. I wonder if this post might not be a better fit in the zoo section, though?I'm sure there are plenty of members in a similar situation who will be willing to give you some advice. Good luck!
I just wanted to say Hello I'm sure there are people with smiler experience good luck with itbut I think this is a topic for zoo
there are similiar situations that have evolved here on the forum - i suggest that you take a read through some of the threads in the zoo section... where i will move this thread so that others will find it
Welcome to this world, You have asked us for advice on a subject that only you and your G/F can answer and deal with. I think that at some time or other we have all had to make a life changing decision. Just reading what you wrote about her and her reaction to your love life. At first she was repulsive by it, then she tried it for a while and now she is against it. I think she may have looked at you and not your double life, but now she is thinking about what others could think of her, if your alternative life style was to become public knowledge.
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She has always been conscious of the fact....in regards to other people. Her parents know, well they found out by reading some old emails of hers where we discussed it. Now, with them being devout catholic I'm looked down upon by her family which I think, in return, gives her doubts from the get go. Our sexual life seems to have hit rock bottom and I think, in some way, this has something to do with it...but how to you talk to someone about that. I guess I'm afraid of the rejection that I've had to deal with all these years.
That was very careless to leave incriminating emails for others to find which begs the question, what were her parents doing snooping into her private emails ? Maybe they had reason to doubt you from the start ? Being offside with her parents may be the thing that kills the relationship. This of course will depend, at least in part, how she gets along with her parents. If she is still strongly influenced by them then it may already be over. At some stage in the near future, hard as it mat be, you may have to ask her outright to say whether or not she wants to continue the relationship. By the sound of it, she has at least given it a try and so far, she is still around. Maybe a long discussion is called for where you both lay bare your souls ? It is probably no use expecting her to favour you over her parents. Time to bite the bullet and have that talk and accept the outcome, whatever it may be. Good luck.
She is definitely not influenced by her parents...she moved 200 miles away to live with me against their liking. When we first started dating years and years ago I came out to her saying I've been doing it since I was around 10. Her parents did the snooping a while later and found out(still not sure how it happened since she hasn't lived with them for the longest time). When I first told her probably 5 years ago she was accepting. Then she went through some sort of disgusted faze(prompted by her parents). She moved in and we got a lab. All she could talk about is when he grows up it will be the best...etc. Some events came up and we had to get rid of the puppy. Soon after that she lost all interest in the subject.
Hi doggy ..... *smiles and waves*A toughie! I can certainly see why you would be confused when she appears to have her changed her mind completely. Is it possible she's just going through a phase of denial / guilt about her feelings etc..... some do. You can be sure she's still getting a hard time for her parents too about you and that could also be confusing her about you and the whole dog thing. You'd be surprised how constant little comments and jibes can wear you down and make you doubt your own judgement. I think the only way forward is to sit down and have this conversation with her. That you're confused as to why she's changed her mind ..... you still love her and want to be with her but this is an important part of your life too and how does she feel about you continuing with that if she does not want to participate anymore.These are all questions only she can answer and then you will have to decide where to go from there.I hope this helps a little.Good luck !
Living the double life, between being a zoo and being just like everyone else, is so very difficult. In many ways you've already won half the battle, because your partner does know about your feelings. I'm not going to say you should do one thing or the other, I will just offer my opinion, based on how I live my life.I've been where you are at and in some ways I am still there. The thing with me, that is different from you, is I accept all possible outcomes no matter which way they may go. I can live without human contact, without a human partner in my life, but I cannot live without my animal contact and/or partner in my life. Does that mean animals are better than humans? No it does not, it just means that I know where my heart lies and what all I can be without and still live a happy and content life. If I was in your situation, I would have a very intense, straight forward and fully honest conversation with my partner. I would hold nothing back. She already knows about you, but i have a feeling.......I could be wrong.......she doesn't know how strong your feelings are for animals. Everyone handles their relationships differently and there is no one right answer, because we all walk a different path. I for one, will not have anything else less then full and complete honesty. If I can't lay it all on the table, be exactly who I am, without any hesistation..........then I am not in a relationship that is healthy and just for my partner or myself. What you need to remember is, to be true to yourself. Be true to the person you are both within yourself and on the outside. Respect your passions, needs and loves, then step back and respect your partner's passions, needs and loves. I wish you well and I wish you happiness.
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old saying...To thine own self be true.Follow your heart, and you may get hurt, but you'll always be comforted in knowing that you did what was right for you.Liambackdoor
WelcomeUnfortunately sooner or later you will have to talk to her, or all that will happen is the two of you will fall further and further apart. Things might go well they might not, but you need to make the choice of which is more important to you. Whatever choice you make you need to stick strong by it. GoodluckAll the bestBlack Lab
Well furst let it be said that I am hardly a success with human relationships. That being the case, I'll give you my take on this situation. To begin, stop feeling ashamed that you may feel a stronger bond with animals than with her. We are zoophiles after all, which means we have the ability to form strong emotional bonds with animals like we would with any other humans. Your g/f sounds a bit flighty or equivocating by nature. Hence, the constant flip flopping with her attitudes to animal sex. This is not your fault, in fact I dare say you have no control over that at all. It simply her nature, cut and dry, and nothing you do can really change that fact. It also sounds like you are a person who enjoys stability and regularity by nature, so I am not surprised to that her indecisiveness about this large aspect of your personality and relationship with her is giving you trouble. Ultimately though, I think you need to come to grips with the fact that not all, in fact very few love relationships last forever. It is not a recrimination, but merely a fact of life. It maybe simply that your relationship with her is coming to its conclusion, nothing more nothing less. If that is the case my advice is to keep it as amicable as possible. Wish I could help you more.
Thank you for everybody's reply. I tried to have "the talk" with her last night but without much success. She prompted everything by wondering why our sex life has gone in the drain...so I actually was drawing up the courage to say how I feel when she said "Oh let me guess, you like dogs more than me" and she started laughing and rolled over and started to go to sleep. For some reason it hurt me when she said that, like she finds it a joke or something. I don't know how much more of this I can take!!
If I were you (and I'm knot) I would bring it up when you and she are wide awake and sitting in your living room without the benefits of alchohol or any other mood inducing substance. I say this, as you want to be thinking very clearly and speaking consisely when you broach the subject.You need to preface it by teling her that you truly love her and want her to share in all aspects of your life and this includes the knowledge that you are a zoo. You can tell her that she does not need to participate, however this is a side of you that exists and is a part of your sexuality and your make up. It's ingrained to the very depths of your being. You also need to inform her that this is not going away and if she loves you, she needs to love you unconditionally, as you do her.This will inspire one of two scenarios: The first is that she will realize that this is not a phase that you are going through and she has to be more accepting. (This may take her a bit of time) The second is that she will feel that she can not compete, even though there is no real competition and she may want to part ways.I know the latter is hard to hear. However, is it better for you to live without being able to freely and openly express yourself to your human partner and additionally lose the intimate companionship of your animal partners, or is it better to part ways, even if its a trial seperation and find your way?All we can do is hope that you garner the strength and courage to have the talk and that it turns out very well for you. Best of luck!
just keep it a secret and try to life with it
Suppressing something like this is only heading for disaster.
Hey there doggycurious69,first of all, thanks for your honest words. Now to your problem - I guess she laughed because it is simply very hard to take zoophilia as serious as it should be taken. I don't think she tried to make fun of you - it's far more likely that her reaction was a sign of acute embarassment. Understandable, as most people have never really thought about this topic, and cannot imagine that it deserves sincereness.My advice to give her some more time to consider everything, but to make it clear that this is important to you. In my opinion, her reaction shows that she needs this time. After all, this is not the easiest topic to talk about. When she is ready, you may want to point out that there is no need to be jealous, as your love for her and the dog don't exclude each other. She has to know that she'll always be important, and that you'll always have time for her.So, try to be patient. I do hope everything will turn out for the best - for everyone. All the best,Amber Eyes
QUOTE (doggycurious69 @ Feb 3 2008, 06:34 PM) I hope this is the right section for this since it is concerning zoophilia/bestiality. I am a 20 year old male and live with my 20 year g/f. We have been seeing each other for 6 years now and she has known about my animal life for most the time. The problem with her is she is very intermittent about loving animals in this way. She says she accepts me no matter what but she confuses me on everything past that. She started out being disgusted by the fact, then accepting, then wanting it for herself. Now she tells me it isn't her thing. Now this really starts to bother someone when it comes to something this important. I've sat down and talked with her before and I always get a different answer depending upon how she feels at the time about it. That's the first part. The second part is even harder...this double life. I care for my g/f yes....but sometimes I worry that not as much as I feel towards animals. It scares me because if her and I didn't work out I could see me being just fine with getting another dog or something. I wish there was a way I could express to her how these feelings have been escalating lately, and not in a hormonal(I want sex) fashion but in an emotional(I need a dog partner) fashion. I love her but I can't stop thinking about this side of me, I can't deny it. There is nobody I can talk to about it too since it's so shamed. I feel as if the g/f only agrees with it because she cares about me not really because she understands it. It's almost as if there are two lives...the life that I'm currently living with her and the life that I want to be living. She's even gone to the extent to thinking I'm and this is all somehow a cover up. I am definitely not but can't help to not understand why I prefer male dogs and not male people...if I don't get it then she definitely doesn't.I just need some advice from people who have been there. I love her with all my heart but this is seriously tearing me up inside. Please post up. First I want to say you have done what I have never done in my fifty plus years of being a K9 bitch. First thing you must surely know is that if the two of you split, every one you and her know, will know about you being Zoo. As for an answer, that my friend only you can find. The people here at BF will help you in every way they can but it all comes down to you and her. Just keep in mind that ( HELL HAS NO FURY LIKE THAT OF A WOMAN SCORN.) I truely wish you the best and you a long and happy life. Hugs & Kisses, Pggirl
If all the other advise does not work in your situation, you could try telling her that this is more of a hobby that you can't easily give up. It's a major part of your person, so it's more of a personal trait that she should accept if both of you truely love each other. Allow her to have a hobby or whatever that you disagree with so that both of you have a small part of a personal life. Than put them aside and only focus on each other for the most part, and later, go off and you and her can have some "alone time" every once and awhile.I'm have not had this problem, so, whatever sounds right to you just go and do it.Good luck to both of you!
Funny how you talk about "letting her have her thing" because she in some way does. She is or sometimes says(once again her mind changes a lot) bisexual. She has had a few experiences when we weren't dating and anytime she looks at porn it's lesbian porn. I haven't been able to arrive at the point of letting her go off and do things with girls(sexually that is). I know it may sound hypocritical but I honestly don't think it is. To me a person is different than an animal. A person has mental recourse and possibly diseases too. I'm trying to find the right time to talk to her about everything.
QUOTE (doggycurious69 @ Feb 7 2008, 04:34 AM) Funny how you talk about "letting her have her thing" because she in some way does. She is or sometimes says(once again her mind changes a lot) bisexual. She has had a few experiences when we weren't dating and anytime she looks at porn it's lesbian porn. I haven't been able to arrive at the point of letting her go off and do things with girls(sexually that is). I know it may sound hypocritical but I honestly don't think it is. To me a person is different than an animal. A person has mental recourse and possibly diseases too. I'm trying to find the right time to talk to her about everything. Ahh the change in avatar threw me although I have been keeping up with this thread.There is no right time as such but in so saying .... if I remember correctly from earlier today, in bed is most certainly NOT the place. I've read all the answers to this ..... and the conflicting opinions ... which while giving you a broad spectrum of answers doesn't help in some respects. I think of all the answers I've read so far wolfhound's gave you some of the best advice. My final comment really is we don't have the answers though I hope the range of replies has helped. We're not you, we're not in your situation and we don't know your girlfriend.If I may suggest one thing ...... BEFORE you have this conversation with her you need to be very clear on how important this is to you. If she won't accept it are you prepared to end it ? What is the outcome you would like ? Lying to yourself and her will make neither of you happy in the long term and suggesting you ignore it / suppress it will only result in you blaming her for that at some stage and your relationship going pear shaped anyway. So ....... you need to be very clear how important this is to you before you have this talk ..... and do it soon ...... it appears you need to.Good luck and I hope all it works out as you wish ......
Well we finally talked yesterday...for quiet a while actually. I explained to her all the feelings that I've been having for the past couple weeks...that it's more of a needing a companion type feeling rather than sexual desire. She understood everything and said she supported me. She also said it sounds like I need to find someone to talk to regularly about all of this(like a therapist) but I don't think that would work out too well. Now the other thing she brought up during this conversation was about a girl at her work. She said "...on the same token, I have this girl at work who is that I'm attracted to. How would you feel if something came of it?" Well that's a tough one to answer...I told her that there were only two things that concerned me...and that was from an std aspect and from an emotional aspect. Meaning A)she could have hiv and she has to work with this girl and you are taking things to a whole new level than before(mentally). On a plus side though, she said I just need to get myself a good dog(companion) and fulfill the relationship that I need...mentally and physically. That's definitely what I wanted to hear.
Glad to hear that things are look better! But you should still be careful on the subject for now because she can still change her thoughts.
ive read through the posts and have to say that its a tough spot your find yourself in. there is a lot of great advice around and i hope that things work out for u. i just wanted to add since reading about this "other girl" at her work. honestly, i would be a little wary about this. while its good to each have something, she could definately use your situation to her advantage. so please be careful... u seem like a good guy and that would be very unfortunate...
Well doggycurious I have to say your last post brought an interesting twist to the tale with the revelation that your girlfriend is attracted to a girl at work that she knows is .At this stage the thought crosses my mind should the two of you be together at all until you both figure out exactly what you want ?As for the suggestion you see a therapist ...... Why? Because you like dogs ? That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Besides .... as it's illegal in most places and considered extremely sexually deviant behaviour by society on the whole, I think you should be careful about discussing this with anyone like that.
i have to agree with curious1looking on this one 100%. it seems like you guys are still trying to figure out who you are which is a very hard thing to do when u are already in a relationship, and especially for the two of u in your situation who are in very difficult and yet very different boats with your sexuality. id take a step back and look at who you are first and think about what you want as you are the only one who can do this for yourself. she may even feel the same way because of the girl at her work. very strange situation and difficult but hey, this stuff builds character right? lol good luck and keep us posted..
Hey DoggyCurious I knooooooww hoooww you feeeeeeeeelll...I've had a really similar relationship with a really good friend (woman), although we've never dated. She was always really accepting, but she seems to not take it seriously sometimes. I've talked to her a lot and made sure she knows how much it means to me and that this is not some petty fetish. I feel the utmost empathy for you about that "Let me guess you like dogs more than me" comment, that was really crappy...Anyway, I tell lots of people that I'm both a zoophile and a , some don't care, some are intrigued, some joke about it with me and I don't mind a bit. It took me a long time to come to terms with myself but now I know that the only thing that really matters is that I love who I am because of who I am, and as long as I'm nice to everyone else then I really have no reason to care what anyone else thinks do I? You have nothing to be ashamed of, you are who you are, embrace it Anyway, I'm a zoophile with pride, I didn't choose it and I can't change it, and I wouldn't for the entire world.
There are a lot of great points here. You should take them into consideration, but in the end you will have to make up your own mind. good luck for the futureBlack Lab
I really appreciate the great advice/opinions that everyone has given. I'm not very certain of things at this point. We had that long talk that I posted of a few days ago but something came out the other night. She was upset over something irrelevant and burst out with a hurtful animal comment. At the most random point in her rambling of upsetness(nothing to do with the zoo thing) she says something to the extent of "I hate it, it's tearing apart our relationship, it's disgusting..." etc. etc. etc. Obviously, I was completely caught off-guard by these comments. I've always thought that when you are really upset or mad the truth comes out in one way or another. Also, I'm getting worried about her and this other girl thing. She works with this girl and also hangs out with her. She told me the other day she had a chance to do physical/sexual things but she didn't(this definitely gets my mind running). It's really starting to scare me. She'll say she is going somewhere that would be a quick trip but then be gone for 2 hours. Some previous info....years ago she cheated on me with a girl...so definitely on my guard. I think of it like this...if I had a big male labrador at the house...all alone...would I not pursue something? Women piss me off so much sometimes!!!!!!!
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"On a plus side though, she said I just need to get myself a good dog(companion) and fulfill the relationship that I need...mentally and physically. That's definitely what I wanted to hear."This sounds to me like a justification for her to have a casual relationship with the 'girl at work'. Since she said that you need to get a good dog. That leaves the impression you do not have one now, thus, your discussions with her are from the past and fantasy in the present. Since she is hot and cold on the subject she may at least at times see this relationship as one sided at best a dead end at worse.You want her to accept your dual sexuality: women/m.dogs, but you are unable to accept her dual sexuality men/women. If you cannot get over this hurdle; I wonder how you can realistically be optimistic about this relationship maturing. Her parents 200 miles away know? She had to have told them. If it was from old emails then they would have to have been forwarded. I expect the girl at work also knows or will, and only you can imagine who else will eventually.Good luck, Beverly[COLOR=blue][COLOR=red]
Doggy:Okay, I have a lot of experience with relationships gone awry. I have been married for 19 years, I am 44, I have been in a lot of relationships Good and Bad- and I have a little knowledge. (Of course my advice is likely as bad as the next persons.)With that being said, one thing I have figured out in life is that most of the time that I have had a problem, I also knew the right answer. I just refused to acknowledge it. A few truths:- when it is over you usually know it. You can make it work, but that is usually an unhappy prediciment to be in long term since there are better matches out there. If it is not right, don't give in to inertia, make the break. -ALL relationships go through times when the spouse/GF (whatever) and you fall out of love for a while. It took me 15 years to understand that point. It is hard to accept that your mate won't always be attracted to you (all the time). It may come back and it may not. What makes relationships work is that *both* people find a deeper meaning in the relationship which transcends the physical relationship. (that is why old married folks still find each other desirable... it isn't physical, that's for sure)-If you go outside the relationship, it is doomed. Hang it up. I've been there on both sides. It is toast. Over Finito. There has to be more depth to the relationship. The beauty of your Zoo relationship is that both of you can share it. If that cannot be done, you should not have involved her in it from the get go. It may not limit you but it sure is limiting her. (And don't think dissent from her parents is ever passive or that the social pressure of you're being a Zoo doesn't affect her. My wife would never accept it. So, it lives in my fantasies. That being said, we have been through a lot and she is my best friend. Could I confide this to her and have her not leave, probably. Would she be able to enjoy this.... never. So I keep her out of it. No problem. No betrayel. I guess that is key. You need to find a place in your heart and life where you can either be at peace with your mate not knowing or find one you are sure can share your love for animals. Trying to stay with a mate who is neither is a recipe for unhappiness - especially whenn the betrayel of your relationship is already beginning...It is clear from my standpoint what the answer is. Don't be afraid of lonliness, loss, or the unknown. In my experience, I don't remember the empty times in my life. I remember the people and friends ( and not) around me.(Just a thought, have you thought about meeting a nice Zoo girl. You have the right forum. I have to believe there are a lot of women who would love to find a guy who understood them the way you wish your girl understood you.)
Thank you for the replies. Lately I've been really getting worried about where the relationship is in fact going. There is one major problem though, we live together. Her Mom kicker her out a few years ago, her dad kicked her out a few months ago, and now I may have to do the same. The thing is, she has nowhere to go. She is at a decent paying job for someone our age(10-12 per hour) but I doubt anywhere close to enough to live on her own. I agree though about being able to share my zoolife with her but her not being able to share her bisexual side with me. I worry that we are, or at least she is, searching for something to fulfill her like dogs fulfill me. There are plenty more problems within the relationship that are bringing things to a close than just the sexuality part. I really don't feel the need to bring those things out of the bag so I'll let them go. Sometimes I wonder if this was all a mistake; her moving in...etc. etc. I'm a college student trying to make a life for myself and this really is not the time for dealing with extreme relationship issues. Things were much simpler when we did not live together.
'Hope it all worked out for you Doggy. Everything end fine?
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