November 21st 2014, 7:43 by Faunak8
From http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2014/11/what-...te-a-horse.htmlQUOTE Ö beginning snipped ÖWhen was your first kiss?My first kiss was from a man named Mark. He was aware of my sexual preference and interested himself in dogs after a fashion. That was about two months after I lost my virginity, so I was about 22. In all honesty, Iíve never liked kissing men; rough beards do not turn me on.† So you had your first kiss after you lost your virginity? Did you lose your virginity to a horse or a human?A horse. There must have been a lot of buildup.Yes, the pressure builds and builds and builds. And losing your virginity is important to becoming a ďrealĒ zoophile because youíre joining a very select group of people, and if you havenít actually ďdone it,Ē people wonder if thatís your real sexuality. So thereís some hazing that goes on. Iíd wanted to have the sexual experience as well as the street credit among my peers ó the zoophiles Iíd met online ó because they were my closest friends, really.How did you find a sex partner?One of my friends had access to a nice female pony, and he let me have sex with her. She was a Shetland-cross, and she had dorsal stripes ó the black line across the spine ó and thatís something thatís turned me on ever since. What was it like?My friend was there at the time, and he was holding her head. He didnít have to do that ó itís not like we were doing things that she wasnít enjoying ó but he was there to protect me. He had his back to me, and he was holding the lead rope to make sure that she was okay and also to prove that Iíd actually done it. The sexual experience itself was incredible. To this day it was the best sex Iíve ever had. But in some ways I regret that first time. Why?Because I didnít get to know her first, and Iíve since come to understand that enthusiastic participation makes the experience better. So I kind of wish it had been different. I think a lot of people build up that first experience and whether they are straight or a zoophile. So, how do you have sex with a mare? Do you always develop an intimate relationship with her first? Is there foreplay?Iíll tell you about the first time I had sex with my current mare friend. Itís sort of a comedy of errors. So Iíd had her for about a year. I had her in the barn. Iíd given her food. Iíd brushed her, cleaned her under her tail, and cleaned her face. Iíd scooped snot out of her nose ó we know each other very intimately. We were in a barn with all the lights out and a nice warm heater; it was lovely. So, she was settling in for the night, and I went to the stall and I just sat in the corner. I let her come to me, and thatís one of the things I am very adamant about: I never use a halter or any kind of restraint.So, she chooses to come with me, and I leave her food and she puts her head on my chest and we snuggle and I whisper sweet nothings in her ear and rub her cheeks ó what she likes. By this stage, she knows Iíll rub her thighs. She really loves the area between the back of her legs touched. So, she turned around and she actually backed into me while Iím sitting down. I slip my hands up a little further up and play with her genitals.† Her clitoris?Yes. Now, one of the things thatís a problem with horses is the height difference. So, hereís a little tip: Use a water bucket to stand on. In the case of the first time with my current mare friend I was sitting with my back to the wall, and she had actually pressed into my face hard enough that I was pinned there performing oral sex. She was dominating?She was enjoying it. I wouldnít say she was trying to dominate; I think she was just expressing her enjoyment. We did that for about 20 or 30 minutes. Mares arenít easy to satisfy. They need a lot of stimulation. This leads me to the penetrative sex. I was about 38 at the time,† and I was about 10 to 15 pounds too heavy for the bucket. So we have this plastic bucket upside down, and Iím standing on it and my drawers are dropped. Iím in the corner of the stall, and my mare friend has turned around and is looking at me strangely, and she comes over and sniffs and rubs and snuffles me. Because horses love biting things I was a little bit concerned; I kept my hand in a way that I could save myself if I needed to. But the really interesting thing is that after having oral sex she turned away from me, lifted her tail, and walked backward into me and actually onto me.Unfortunately, the bucket was buckling, and I fell off. So while there was penetrative sex, that was my first big time with my mare friend: having to catch myself after falling off a bucket backward. Are there health and safety concerns? How did you know how to do it safely ó did you educate yourself first?There are a lot of things to think about. Iíve had the luck and the privilege to know two veterinarians and a doctor who were open to the idea, so I talked to them and I investigated zoonosis ó the transference of diseases from animals to people. Overall, itís safer with a horse than a human. Horses have parasites, but they generally donít, like us. STDs are only a risk if you share horses, and I donít do that. Early on, an experienced zoophile friend took me under his wing and taught me something Iíll always remember: A horse is going to give you his butt before he will ever give you his head. Horses kick.† Thatís what I was thinking. Whenever I get near a horse, it wants to kick me ÖYou know, itís amazing ó I donít know if I have this innate thing or something, but only one horse has ever tried to kick me and that was while I was picking out her hooves, never during sex. Horses might bite people who come into their space, but maybe thatís because a lot of them are just used to people coming into the stall, putting on a bridle, taking them for a three-hour run, and putting them back.I take it you disagree with the idea that itís abusive to have sex with animals?Each time I have a conversation about this I see other peopleís darkness projected onto what I do. Yes, anyone could tie up a horse to make sure it couldnít hurt you and then do whatever they want to it. And, of course, that does happen. But Iíve met maybe 150 to 200 zoophiles, and Iíve never seen that. There are some people whom I would never want to associate with because they are not good people, but there are bad people in life in general.Sex with animals is just so poorly studied. We are a varied community: city folk, country folk. The popular image of that person on the farm who goes and abuses animals because thereís no other outlet, thatís not the case. Thatís just not always what happens. What sex acts do you usually engage in?I mostly have oral sex with mares. When I first gave a horse oral sex I was in my early 20s, and one of the things I had to overcome was the thought that itís disgusting to go down on a horse, much like the way some men feel about women. So it was at the back of my head at the time, and itís kind of strange because thereís nothing about horses thatís disgusting to me. And, as I discovered, mares taste very, very nice, like mown grass or fresh hay, and they really enjoy oral stimulation.Iíve always made sure, except for the first few times when I was a neophyte, that my partner has an orgasm, whether itís a human or a horse, because I want her to have a really good time, and oral is something she almost always enjoys. How can you tell when a mare is having an orgasm?She tenses up a lot and ďwinksĒ her clitoris repeatedly. She makes noises and grunts. Whatís your number?Between 15 and 20 horses, and about six or seven humans. Can you remember each encounter?Iíd have to sit down and figure it out. When I was younger I was experimenting with stallions, and that was not really my thing, so I donít have as much memory of those. Is that because youíve tried to block it out?Itís more that itís faded into time. I remember all the mares, but the male horses not so much. I havenít done anything with a male horse in 20 years.Was that anal sex?Masturbation and anal sex. I canít be penetrated. I have severe hemorrhoids so itís too painful, and that made some of my gay relationships difficult, but I was always happy to pleasure my partner.Gay relationships? When it comes to humans, do you identify as gay or straight?That changed in my early 20s, but right now I would say Iím 90 percent heterosexual with humans and with horses. Why did that change?The very first human I ever loved died of AIDS about six weeks after I met him. My therapist tells me that probably had a profound effect on me When did you seek therapy, and why?I saw a clinical psychologist following a recent trauma around two friends suddenly dying, and this perhaps reactivated the trauma of the death of my first love. After questioning her repeatedly on what she was legally required to do if I confessed certain things to her, I decided to come clean and explain to her why horses are so important to me.After consulting with her mentors, experts, and other sources, she told me that she felt I didn't need treatment for my attraction. To which I went, "Well, duh." I'm not sick.You associated the trauma of your first love dying with your homosexual experience?It was raw trauma. When I heard the news I was in upstate New York with some friends. I remember everyone was trying to console me, and I left the house and went out to the pasture and just screamed. I was bawling. He didnít know he was infected. We didnít know until after he died. But yes, that was definitely traumatic. He was the first person I ever loved. Thatís how I know sexuality can change, because mine changed. My gender preference changed. But not with horses, right?That is true, yes. It has always been mares. Are you monogamous with mares?Yes, currently. I have two mares, and one is my mare friend and the other one is just a mare. Iíve never done anything sexual with her. Does your mare friend have a name?I usually call her Sexy Knickers, but her name is Ms. C. How long have you been together?Five years. I picked her up for $100 because she was going on a meat truck. Sheís an Arabian. Iíve never had a relationship with a horse that was as in-depth as the one I have with her. I much enjoy her company; itís really not just about sex. Thatís something that a lot of people donít understand. Do you see her as a partner in human terms? Or is the human model the wrong way to think about it?Thatís sort of how I see it, but I guess itís silly to project human-relationship standards onto an animal. You see, Iíve been married to a human woman for 19 years. So I would say Iím in a polygamous relationship, or at least an open relationship. My wife is the one who encouraged me to go and buy some horses. Has she always known about your interest in mares?We had very serious discussions, and I told her from the start that the horses were always going to be important to me. How did she react?She was very, very open. Itís never been a secret or, like, something I surprised her with or made her feel like she had to agree to or we were going to break up. I donít want to sound trite, but communication is very important in marriage. Is it communal? Do you do it together, or does she watch?No, but sheís more than welcome to. Sheís offered to stand guard to make sure that I get privacy because one of the issues I have at the moment is that my mares canít live on my property. So I havenít been living with my mare friend for almost two years. Itís really depressing. But thatís to protect her: If I get caught, I can guarantee you the first thing they are going to do is put her down. Will it stay this way for a while?Until I can find extra money in my budget to move her out of a public stable. Itís unfortunate because there are houses around the field and thereís not much privacy.How do your relationships usually end? Is there a breakup? Have you ever had to grieve for a mare?One of the things people say about horses is that they are always saying good-bye. They get sold, they move on, or someone takes them out of the country. This is the first time Iíve actually owned a horse. So she will be with me until I can no longer care for her or until she passes on. Thereís absolutely no question in my mind as far as that goes.The thought of losing her terrifies me. This summer she had colic, which can be deadly. I held her in my arms and told her good-bye because I thought she was gone. It was very bad. I was sitting on the corner of a box, and she came over and she sidled up to me and she put her belly against my shoulder so I could rub her where it was hurting, and I thought to myself at the time Ö sorry, this is making me a little emotional Ö I thought that it was something I could do to help ease her off on her journey across the rainbow bridge, which is what zoophiles talk about. When animals die they will go across the rainbow bridge and wait for their companions there. Anyway, the good news about that is she made it, and by 6 p.m. that night she was back to her old self. That must have been such a relief ÖIt really was. I honestly canít imagine what I would have done to try and get over that. Do you and your wife have kids?No, we donít have kids. We are unable to do so, but we wouldnít want to anyhow. How would you feel if your mare friend were to have sex with another animal?You know, a lot of people would be jealous, but I wouldnít as long as she was happy and enjoying herself. A lot of animal sex tends to be forced, although Iím pretty darn sure my mare friend could protect herself and make sure she was getting what she wanted out of any sexual situation. I would, however, prefer she didnít have sex with another human ó one of the reasons is diseases, but also you can never be sure of peopleís intentions. Do you have a ďtypeĒ when it comes to horses?I really like the dorsal stripe and other markings. I tend to like darker horses because of the contrast between the inside and the outside. Personality is important. Iíve become attracted to Arabians after meeting my current mare friend and seeing the kind of bonding they can do with humans. My therapist actually asked me that about horses. She said, ďWhat do you like about horses?Ē And I said, ďEverything Ö everything from the hock and the hoof to the nostrils and the thighs and the neck and the way the neck curves and the muscles along the flank.Ē I canít identify one thing that stands out for me, or something that I have to have in a horse. Is that the same with humans?No, I do have a distinct physical type. I tend to be attracted to heavier women (I like hips), and with men I tend to like clean-shaven, younger-looking men. As members of society we are educated in what we should be looking for in fellow humans, whereas with horses we donít have any of that teaching. Since thereís so much stigma attached to being a zoophile I imagine that means you donít tell many people. Does it cause a split personality? What is it like for you to have a sexuality thatís not really accepted or understood?Iím really lucky to have my wife, because nobody would ever guess. Iím a private person, and I have no desire for people to know what Iím doing with my penis. Iím one of the luckiest zoos alive, as far as I can see. Having said that, though, you are quite correct that itís something that makes people feel confused and alone, and they have no idea what to think about what they are, and they canít talk to anybody. Iíve heard stories of people getting shock or aversion therapy. I really donít understand the hatred. Do you wish you could be out and proud?Absolutely. Iíve always been a very political person, and one of the reasons I started seeing a therapist is because I found that lately Iím having trouble with what people say about zoophiles. The same arguments over and over again, and nobody can support me because they get labeled. Itís been very hard dealing with those emotions and the heaviness of what it would be like to get caught and whatís being said and done to zoophiles, and the fact is, rather than actually engage with us, people would prefer to ignore us.What have I done? I am a normal, average, hardworking guy. I pay my taxes, I make fairly good money, I have a nice house. I have dogs, I have ferrets, I have cats, a couple of rats, chickens in my backyard Iíve saved from places where they were just going to get killed. What have I done that's so wrong? What is so wrong about physical contact between my penis and a mareís genitals? And it does bring a weight. The experience of being a zoo adolescent was extremely lonely. I had no one to turn to, nobody to ask questions, and even if I had trusted someone I feel now like I would have gotten bad, heteronormative advice. It was a silent day-to-day struggle. I guess one of the major criticisms, aside from moral concerns, is that an animal canít ever give verbal consent. Whatís your response to that?I believe that question is asked because there is no answer to it and so it proves the point that zoos are bad. However, I answer it in a threefold way. First of all, why are people concerned about consent when my sexuality is involved but not when it comes to drinking milk or eating steak, both of which require artificial insemination and semen collection, which are very sexual acts? You put your arm inside the cow, and you masturbate the bull. So obviously consent is not really the issue.Second, if someone is mute and canít write or give you a verbal response, are you allowed to have sex with them? Even if they are an adult and mentally sound? Are words the only way to get consent? I donít know how often this comes up when a mute wants to have sex, but thatís another way of looking at it. The third thing is, honestly, for me consent is so obvious in the relationships that I have. Consent is very important to me. Nobody asks for consent for anything from animals. So Iíd argue you arenít worried about consent; youíre worried about where my penis is. Do you go up to a strange dog and automatically pat him on the head without looking him in the eye to make sure heís okay with it? No smart person does that because the dog could bite your hand. If heís perky and happy you go in for the pet; if heís not you donít want to interfere with him. So for me thatís a good way to make people understand that an animal doesnít need words to consent to being touched.Does your wife ever get jealous of your relationship with your mare?I donít want to answer that because I donít want to speak to her feelings. Thatís for her to say. But there are points of tension in any relationship. Would it be fair to say this might be one of them?Itís not something weíve argued about, but does it cause tension? Possibly. But like in a polygamous relationship, everybody is aware of whatís going on. The first person I talk to about my mare friend is my wife so thereís nothing there for her to be jealous of. Do you still look at animal literature and images? Do you find animated or fictional horses attractive?Honestly, I really prefer mares I know in real life. I donít watch horse pornography. Do you ever take sexual photos of your mare?Generally not. Maybe once or twice?If I happen to see a tail flicked off to the right side at the right time I might snap that photo, but itís not something that Iím always looking at. Is that unusual for a zoophile?I would describe it as extremely unusual. When I was younger there was a lot of that sort of thing, but I think thatís more to do with being a walking hormone. When I look at beasty porn I see animals who arenít being taken care of and are probably drugged. I can tell right away when a horse is not enjoying herself. A lot of it is made just for the money by the same producers as other porn, and they have about the same respect for animals as they do for women. Are you sad that the world doesnít understand your sexuality? If you look back over the course of your life, has it caused you more pain than happiness, or do you think that you have discovered something that is unique and special?Thatís a twofold question. I would never recommend this life to anybody. Itís very difficult. Itís nerve-racking coming to grips with having an alternative sexuality like this, and until you have a lot of experience you really doubt yourself. Am I actually doing the right thing? Am I hurting this animal?To answer the second half of the question: I love me. I love who I am. I love my sexuality. Itís brought me so much joy being around horses, and Iím not just talking about the sex but the riding and the grooming. How could I not want to have that? While I certainly wouldnít encourage anybody to participate in this kind of lifestyle, I do feel that I have to help people who feel the need to. One of the things that a Kinsey study showed is that most of those who engaged in sex acts with animals didnít make it to old age. Suicide?Iím assuming. I do know that almost every zoophile Iíve ever talked to has had a brush with death. Some of them have had really shitty, crappy lives, and I canít blame them. When I was 18 and coming to terms with being a zoo I got to the point where I was holding a knife to my wrist. The world is telling you youíre an awful creature of heinous proportions ó what else are you going to do? The thought that came to me was if I were to kill myself now, I would never have those horses in my life. And that was why I decided it wasnít going to happen and I was going to go on with my life. I wish we could talk more openly about sex and alternative sexual interests, or just sex in general. The fact that I hear teenagers saying they donít know where babies come from doesnít make sense to me Do you want the law to change?Having sex with an animal should be legal. Thereís nothing wrong with it. But I would like to see stronger animal-cruelty laws. Thereís this infamous video from Europe of a man who is having sex with chickens. Guaranteed heís hurting the chicken, and he belongs in jail or therapy or something because thatís not right. I want people to know Iím a normal guy. I would never rape an animal. Iím a pacifist. Are there people who do that? Yes. There are also people who do that to women. Thatís a problem beyond having an animal or having relations with an animal. Thereís something else going on. Itís a power dynamic. This is an odd transition, but I was wondering if you eat meat?Thatís the ultimate question for zoophiles. I look to do harm reduction to the meat I eat. It comes from a local organic farm, and I know the butcher who butchers the meat. I try to eliminate all the cruelty from it. I have backyard chickens and free-range eggs. So, how often do you have sex with your mare friend?I would say we have intercourse at least once a week. If she could get away with it sheíd do it every day. I kid you not; sheíll back into me and ask me to rub things almost every day. I donít have the sex drive of a 20-year-old, and she goes through seasons. Itís impacted by the sunlight and the warmth and stuff, so sheíll get exceptionally horny at certain times, and Iíll usually try to do stuff with her then. When we are going some place new thereís usually a hiatus because sheís not comfortable with her surroundings, so generally if we move stables there would be a break.† Do you ever spend the night with her without having sex?Just being with her is more than enough for me. Sex is an extra. Iíve spent the night in her stall. Horses like having someone watching over them. Does your wife mind when that happens?She understands it, and it doesnít happen very often, especially now that sheís in a public stable. I wish it could happen more often. My dream home would have the barn as part of the house. Has Ms. C. ever rejected you sexually? Have you ever had a bad or sad sexual experience with her?There have been times when she wasnít interested. I always try to please my partner before I get pleased, and to be honest, I enjoy that even more. How do you feel if she doesnít have an orgasm?I keep working at it until she does. Itís very important to me to know that she has had that pleasure. Whatís the longest time itís taken, and whatís the average?I get into some pretty marathon sessions. Iíve spent four- or five-hour evenings with a mare because she wanted more. It was multiple climaxes. Usually it takes a half-hour, an hour at most just to make sure. And, honestly, like most men I can deal with myself in five minutes. If you are having oral or manual sex with her do you masturbate at the time, afterward, or not at all?Iíve done all three, but often I wonít at all. It tends to happen more during summer nights because it gets quite cold in winter. Do you dress up for her?I just wear barn clothes, nothing fancy because Iím going to get dirty. She has no concern with what I wear, so neither do I. However, I donít wear sunglasses. And the reason for that is so she can see my eyes and where Iím looking. A lot of communication with horses is through the eyes. Do you do special things together, like go on ďdatesĒ? Do you buy her gifts or acknowledge anniversaries?Our fifth anniversary was on Halloween and I groomed her extra special. I have mixed emotions about dates. I like going out into the paddock and sitting with her and watching her eat. But itís not a traditional date; she doesnít really have much in the way of choice except to accompany me or not come to me. I have to load her up in a trailer and take her out of her comfort zone, so I have a little bit of trouble calling it a date. But on our anniversary I spend extra time grooming her, and I feed her apples. Iíll take her for a walk around the block. Itís hard to get a horse into a fancy restaurant. Are you proud to have her on your arm when you take her out?I would like it to be like that, but I donít want anyone getting suspicious. I love it when people compliment her because it makes me feel like Iím taking good care of her. Iíve tried to walk her around the town, and thatís a pride thing. I love showing her off; I think sheís gorgeous. Itís dangerous to anthropomorphize the relationship, but Iíd love to say, "This is my girl, and sheís on my arm."How do you feel about zoophiles who arenít monogamous?I try not to judge, but I tend to be unhappy when people are so focused on the number of animals theyíve had sex with, when the only goal is to have another notch on the belt. I met someone who keeps a spreadsheet of the width and girth of every stallion heís ever slept with. That objectifies the animal, and it removes the personal relationship. If you had to choose between only ever being able to have sex with a horse or a human, from now on, what would you decide? Would that present a dilemma for you?It would be a horse, absolutely, no question. The only reason it would be a dilemma is because my wife means so much to me, and sheíd be very unhappy with that. So then the question becomes, Would I leave my horse or leave my wife? I couldnít make that decision easily. I donít know if I could survive answering it, quite frankly. Not because of the sex but because I love my wife very much and I would not want to hurt her. Do you worry about your horse eventually losing sexual interest?Ever since sheís been sick sheís been treating me differently. Part of that is because we have a new horse in the pasture, and this bothers me quite a bit. Howís she acting? Is she being distant?Itís so subtle it almost sounds silly, but she moves away from me, and sheís never done this before so thatís really on my mind right now because I want to repair the relationship. I assume I did something or helped the vet do something that caused her pain or upset her in some way. Also, I havenít had a lot of time to spend with her for the last two months, partly because of work and partly because itís getting dark early so I canít see to do much of anything. Itís so hard to communicate the subtle things that change between me and an equine partner, but I really have to pay attention, and if I missed what happened itís a real case of sleuthing. It puts a real damper on the rest of my life when we arenít getting along.† When sheís acting distant like that do you wish you could ask her whatís wrong?I would love it if we had telepathy or if there were a little machine I could pop on her forehead and see what sheís thinking, but I would never want to spend the time talking to her as if she were a human, because sheís not. I like the way we can partner without speaking. Thatís something thatís quite important and a very special part of the bond. If she could talk that would make her less of a horse.This interview has been edited and condensed.Visit the link or this backup to read the beginning.
[ Show full post | Jump to BeastForum.com ]